• Vespair@lemm.ee
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    8 months ago

    Coffee literally tastes like burnt asshole.

    I’m okay with people not liking tea, but the audacity of a goddamn coffee drinker to imply that tea taste worse than their brown bean shit-water is ludicrous

    • flying_sheep@lemmy.ml
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      8 months ago

      Coffee that tastes like burnt cellulose (not as you imply cellulite lol) has been left on the warming plate too long. It’s like complaining that tea tastes metallic and bitter: sure, it does if you do it completely wrong.

      If you want to make good coffee, you need to use beans that haven’t been roasted too dark, then make it with the right parameters for good extraction, then put into a cup immediately and drink. Just like you shouldn’t warm up tea for hours before drinking it.

      Great coffee can be drunk without milk and gone cold and it will still taste like some kind of strange and intense and delicious cherry tea.

      • Vespair@lemm.ee
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        8 months ago

        I’m open to trying well-prepared not over-roasted coffee, but I have tried coffee (in general, undefined) many times and have yet to find it pleasant.

        Funny enough, so far the only thing I’ve found close to enjoyable was espresso, but it’s never been the bitterness of coffee that bothers me (I tend to like more bitter things than average). I can almost enjoy espresso.

        • flying_sheep@lemmy.ml
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          8 months ago

          Really depends where you’re trying. Placed like Starbucks only have over-roasted meh beans.

    • june@lemmy.world
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      8 months ago

      Enough cream and sugar and they both taste the same. That’s my strategy.

    • BestBouclettes@jlai.lu
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      8 months ago

      To be fair I think it’s easier to make bad coffee than bad tea. But a proper good coffee is god tier, not sure about tea, I don’t think I’ve ever had a proper good tea. (I am open to recommendations)

      • Vespair@lemm.ee
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        8 months ago

        (I am open to recommendations)

        Imo, recommending a good tea to a stranger is kind of like recommending a good song to a stranger. Without knowing more, it’s just a shot in the dark. Maybe I’ll recommend the greatest rap song of all time but you’re strictly a country guy, you know what I mean? And I’m just an enthusiastic tea enjoyer, nothing close to an expert. But sure, I’ll do my best.

        First and foremost, if you have a tea shop in your area or a grocery store with a really robust loose tea section, ignore everything else I’m about to say after this paragraph and just go ask to smell some teas. Trust your nose and buy small quantities of 3 or 4 that smell appealing or like they might taste nice to you. Although I would recommend trying to steer clear of falling for sweet or “novelty” smells at this stage such as anything that smells super fruity. These might be great teas, but personally I’d start trying to form more concrete opinions on kind of “baseline teas” before muddying up the experience too much, although don’t be afraid of herbal teas or ones with singular and more subtle accent flavors. If the loose tea containers don’t have tea preparation instructions on them, ask a staff member. I’ll mention a bit more about prep at the end here.

        If you don’t have that kind of access or just want to walk in and buy a box of tea bags, here are some basic beginner-friendly recommendations:

        Lady Grey - You’ve probably at least heard of earl grey, but in my opinion it can be a little intimidating to start and bit fussier to prepare than some other varieties, but lady grey is a delightful more gentle take on the classic.

        Bigelow Constant Comment - Look, this tea isn’t going to blow your socks off, but it’s not meant to. But what it is is a very solid, middle-of-the-road, classic baseline tea that’s easy to prepare well and hard to mess up. A very solid standard choice.

        Orange & Cinnamon - Any brand, doesn’t have to be Twinings, they’re just consistent and regularly available. Getting a bit more into the fruit and spice flavor here, but this is always excellent and taste like autumn memories.

        Jamine Pearls - Doesn’t matter the brand here at all. You’ll probably be able to find them in pyramid tea bags, but these don’t actually require tea bags. These are an excellent starter green tea as they tend to be mild, and watching the pearls unravel is a famously pleasant tea-drinker experience. Not everyone’s vibe, but definitely worth trying.

        Mighty Leaf African Nectar - This one is a little bit harder to find, and is technically an herbal tea (a tea made of non-tea plant leaves and materials), but is absolutely wonderful, and super beginner-friendly. If you can’t find this, look for any “rooibos” teas that contain the words “honey” and/or “red” without too many superfluous flavors.

        As for making the tea, look, I know this will sound obvious, but read the package and follow the directions. For some reason when it comes to both tea and pasta, people constantly think they know better than industry experts, do their own thing, and then complain about the results. Every tea is going to have its own preparation preferences, so it really is best to trust the experts, at least at first. After you’ve had a cup or two as recommended, then you can adjust to your own preference; I personally know I like to steep my teas a bit longer to make them a bit stronger and more bitter, but you gotta get that baseline first to know how to adjust. And then for serving, I’m a sugar guy myself. Not a ton, but even just a tiny amount can significantly enhance the flavor. Honey is a good option too, but doesn’t pair great with every tea in my opinion. And for some reason a lot of Americans get weird and pissing contest-y about taking their tea black, but don’t be afraid to try a splash of milk or half & half, just start small and increase in small increments until you find what you like. Personally I go no dairy about 90% of the time, but the times I do feels like a nice treat. If you’ve got Brunost on hand, drop a square of that in your cup, trust me, and a stroopwafel is never a bad addition either.

        And sweet tea is an entirely different beast which I am extremely passionate about and of which none of the above applies, fyi.

        • BestBouclettes@jlai.lu
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          8 months ago

          Dang man, that’s a very nice comment. I’ll have a look at that, I do have a few tea shops around. Thanks for your time !

        • Rob Bos@lemmy.ca
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          8 months ago

          Comments like this are why I’m so happy I can share Lemmy atuff on Mastodon. Well done!

        • Krauerking@lemy.lol
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          8 months ago

          I love your comment and just need to make some suggestions if you havent tried:

          You say orange and cinnamon but if you can get it, orange, cinnamon, vanilla and blue cornflower tea is heaven of the combinations. Hornimans makes one if you can get it or otherwise I get a blue cornflower earl grey and add the cinnamon (ceylon is better) and orange myself.

          Also I think for people that like coffee suggesting a nice Darjeeling is good advice too. It’s just such a warm vibe with a nice bit of fruity sweetness and I find that Darjeeling seems to be taken more serious that even the bagged versions are nicer than standard black tea even from the same brand.

      • Leate_Wonceslace@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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        8 months ago

        Where I live a nice, off-the-shelf tea is Tazo Zen, which is a green and herbal tea with spearmint and lemongrass. I take it with sugar or honey.

    • state_electrician@discuss.tchncs.de
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      8 months ago

      Indeed. Also, there are so many options when it comes to tea as opposed to coffee. That bitter bean sweat always tastes terrible. If you need to abuse your palate long enough in order to distinguish differences in the abuse, I’m out.

    • dangblingus@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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      8 months ago

      You might have been drinking burnt coffee. Truly well roasted beans should have notes of cocoa, only slightly bitter, and be welcoming, not a turn off.

    • brodrobe@lemmy.world
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      8 months ago

      You’re not far off, there’s a kind of coffee called Kopi Luwak which is literally a shit coffee that’s been eaten by civet cat and then pooped out. There’s a similar kind of that coffee that’s been eaten and shit out by elephants.

      Kopi is considered gourmet among coffee drinkers, but in my opinion it’s just cope considering someone sold them literal shit they juice into a cup using steaming water. Personally I cannot imagine the mental gymnastics to make the poopy brown bean shit-water a part of my morning routine.

      • dangblingus@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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        8 months ago

        That’s a huge grift on idiotic westerners with more money than sense. Coffee connoisseurs have deduced that Kopi Luwak is both literal and figuratively shit.

  • 1ostA5tro6yne@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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    8 months ago

    ITT people who think all coffee is like the Z-tier roasted-until-burnt held-until-stale blasphemy they serve at Starbucks.

    ITT people who think all tea is the result of oversteeping a lipton bag in a cup in the microwave.

    ITT people who think any random plant plus hot water is “tea” but are oddly specific about what is “coffee”.

    • dangblingus@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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      8 months ago

      I laugh incredulously when people defend going to Starbucks every day like “well I don’t get the $8 dessert coffees, I just get regular coffee!” and it’s like, that aint coffee darling.

  • Zombiepirate@lemmy.world
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    8 months ago

    Coffee and tea are both delicious.

    Energy drinks, on the other hand, taste like battery acid and bile. That’s where your scorn should be directed.

  • TheMagicalTimonini@lemmy.world
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    8 months ago

    As an enthusiast for both leaf soup and bean juice, it seems like most coffee drinkers think of cheap, old, dusty teabag tea, overboiled to taste like bitter vegetables in sewage water, while most tea drinkers think of pure dark overroasted burnt coffee, preground too finely (or as the worst kind of instant coffee), tasting like acid in an ash tray, like those are your only two options.

    Both coffee and tea can be so terrible and also so wonderful. I guess my favorite coffee takes quite some preparation and my favorite tea cost me about as much as a junkie’s crack addiction. But both can be really nice if you spend a little more money on a quality product and take the bit of effort to prepare it properly.

    • The Stoned Hacker@lemmy.world
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      8 months ago

      Ok but would you rather have a bag of an aged Da Hong Pao or whatever the coffee equivalent is?

      I’d like to taste the coffee equivalent but that one time I splurged on some DHP was magical. So velvety and rich and nutty.

      • captainlezbian@lemmy.world
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        8 months ago

        Yeah I drink coffee for the stimulants, but it can be good. Tea is a sometimes drink but when done decent is usually excellent and has a very high ceiling

        • The Stoned Hacker@lemmy.world
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          8 months ago

          Especially when you get good tea from quality suppliers, it’s excellent. I’m part of a tea club and get sent boxes of tea from a specific vendor i really like. Some of the tea is probably more than a year old, but I’d just as happily tear open the bag and make a delicious pot of tea. high quality tea is not as expensive as people think and it’s absolutely wonderful. it is softer than coffee though and takes some time for your palate to adjust.

          ETA: I pay $40 every other month and get over an ounce of loose leaf tea, carefully selected with love by the vendor. they’re a small operation with direct ties to tea farms in China and source from family and friends. And if you’re in the right communities, you can talk to them directly and discuss the tea with them. the world of tea is very inviting and open and you’d be surprised how cheap really good tea is, especially in bulk.

          • Krauerking@lemy.lol
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            8 months ago

            I think tea is actually way more approachable which is what makes it less snobby.

            You have to be educated about what makes it good and how to prepare it but at the end of the day all you need is the tea, some hot water and a cup. You get fancy with filtering it and how but it’s unnecessary to enjoy.

            • The Stoned Hacker@lemmy.world
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              8 months ago

              You shouldn’t need to filter high quality tea, it should speak for itself. A little leaves at the bottom are just snacks. if you prefer it filtered thats fine, just totally unnecessary. Really the limiting factor is actually water quality, but there are people experimenting with water recipes to make the best tea. And they usually share their recipes and the majority of the minerals are widely available and it’s just a lot of distilled water. The equipment is what’s most expensive, but a cheap gaiwan or even a small bowl and you’re good to go.

  • The Vegan Werewolf@lemmy.world
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    8 months ago

    The taste of tea is heavily dependent on how it gets brewed. Correct brewing temperature and time steeping play a huge role on making sure too many tannins aren’t extracted and it ends up tasting like hot garbage.

    • hemko@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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      8 months ago

      What you mean? Just dump the damn teabag in the hot water in your cup and a spoonful of honey.

      Tastes like honey every time

    • Betch@lemmy.world
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      8 months ago

      Yup, green tea is great if you’re not drinking factory floor dust and you haven’t oversteeped it. If your tea is bitter and is leaving you with a dry mouth, something is wrong.

      • BastingChemina@slrpnk.net
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        8 months ago

        And if you don’t leave it to infuse for too long. Unlike black tea that can be left to infuse indefinitely green tea gets bitter after few minutes.

    • garbagebagel@lemmy.world
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      8 months ago

      Same could be said about coffee but I feel like people are more willing to forgive all the garbage coffee out there than the tea.

      I enjoy a good high quality cup of either.

    • drev@lemmy.world
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      8 months ago

      I can practically guarantee that people who say they hate tea haven’t tried brewing any kind of loose leaf tea at the proper temp and time.

      I got a 1kg brick of the cheapest loose-leaf black tea I could find for ~$3.50, and it’s delicious. I drink it almost every day, I bought it in June last year, and I’m just now running low. I brewed a bag lipton black tea at work recently, took one sip and I dumped it the fuck out. Absolutely foul, that stuff.

      So I can see why people hate tea if they’ve only ever tried cheap bags with boiling water

  • gmtom@lemmy.world
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    8 months ago

    Yeah man coffee tastes so good, which is why most people drink it half mixed with milk or full of flavoured syrups.

    • Cowbee [he/him]@lemmy.ml
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      8 months ago

      There’s over-roasted coffee made to be mixed, and there’s properly roasted coffee made to be consumed straight.

      • ElderWendigo@sh.itjust.works
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        8 months ago

        There is really no such thing as over or under roasted, except in regards to your own preferences. Some people like the roast. You seem to like more brightness and acidity. The spectrum of bean varieties and the ways particular roasts or other preparations for particular beans can bring out or suppress particular flavors for particular drinks is just too broad to make such childishly broad statements. Same logic can be applied to tea, wine, chocolate, etc.

        • Cowbee [he/him]@lemmy.ml
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          8 months ago

          I generally agree, but the amount of people that prefer darkly roasted coffee straight is relatively small, which is more my point. Darkly roasted coffee fits better with milk, generally, which is why it’s so prevalent and why people are confused when they hear people say coffee tastes good black.

          • ElderWendigo@sh.itjust.works
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            8 months ago

            Nah, for my money dark roasts are best black, either hot or cold brewed. If brewed right, they’re super smooth and flavorful, no need for anything else. People usually don’t have enough coffee to water and that totally ruins dark roasts. Higher acidity of light roasts lend themselves to balance with cream and sugar. And those opinions seem to be common among the thousands of people I’ve personally served coffee to. Maybe try listening to people about what they say they like, instead of jumping to correcting them based on your tastes.

            • Krauerking@lemy.lol
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              8 months ago

              Man I know nothing about coffee but even I can see that he got roasted!

              That’s coffee humor right?

    • daellat@lemmy.world
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      8 months ago

      That’s not got a lot to do with coffee and more (sugar) habits. You start drinking coffee and your parents put sugar in it so you get coffee with sugar. That’s the taste you get used to now without it tastes Off.

      Straight coffee can be great but it requires a bit more effort. I love some guatamala beans but most Americano stuff is not my cup of tea, if you will.

      • dangblingus@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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        8 months ago

        Americano is gross. If you want drip coffee, make drip coffee. Diluting espresso to the strength of regular drip coffee is asinine.

      • ReeferPirate@lemy.lol
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        8 months ago

        I started drinking my coffee without sugar a couple years back and after about 3 sips of it being weird I decided I’d never go back to adding sugar. Still like a splash of cream though.

  • Skkorm@lemmy.world
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    8 months ago

    Bruh coffee is just a caffeine delivery juice, you have to put cream and sugar in it just so it doesn’t taste super bitter. A lot of tea tastes good just on their own. Scoreboard.

    • Anti-Antidote@lemmy.zip
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      8 months ago

      Coffee is great, the problem is most coffee is brewed horribly. Get yourself a cheap pour over set and a kettle and you’ll get significantly better results, with much more improvement possible past that with whole beans and a decent grinder

    • GissaMittJobb@lemmy.ml
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      8 months ago

      Try speciality coffee. The average cup of coffee is not particularly good, but freshly ground speciality coffee brewed with care is great and does not warrant cream and sugar.

      Beware that it’s easy to go down a rabbit hole and find yourself having spent a whole lot of time and money on it after a while. It’s all part of the fun, though.

      • reinei@lemmy.world
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        8 months ago

        Except even the best specialty coffee I had (and trust me I had some good ones because a friend of mine went down that same rabbit hole you probably went down and wanted me to try) still had way too many acids in it which meant it tasted great until it again turned my entire mouth to ash and grey bitterness…

        So in other words the “primary” taste/body of coffee can get really great, but it’s still not worth the bitterness after.

    • Zess@lemmy.world
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      8 months ago

      When I drink black tea I oversteep it and then add a bunch of sugar. For coffee it’s espresso with lots of creamer. Full bitter and full sweet so my mouth is too confused to know if it’s good or not.