Hey all,

So I recently decided to go vegan. My personal reasons for ditching animal products were because of environmental factors, animal welfare, and trying to maintain consistency with the values I hold to their logical ends.

I was curious. I’ve seen a lot of hate towards vegans online, admittedly being someone who partook in that several years ago myself to a small degree. While I’m glad and very lucky people I know closely have been making accommodations for me, I’m also worried about mentioning or bringing it up to people I’m getting to know since I don’t want to rub them the wrong way if they possibly have these notions that being vegan and veganism are a bad thing. Namely when it’s relevant in conversation like people asking me why I read ingredients lists or can’t have something they’re offering me, which I’ve been half-lying attributing to food allergies and intolerances out of worry (I’m lactose intolerant, which helps as a cop-out).

I’m wanting to know what people dislike about vegans, whether they’re based on previous experiences they’ve had, or preconceived notions, and what would make someone a “good vegan” in their eyes. I know I shouldn’t be a people-pleaser, but knowing this stuff would definitely help me gain the confidence to be more open about myself and my personal values to others who don’t necessarily share said values.

Thanks in advance, I’ll try to respond where possible, but it’s going to be a busy day for me, though I do read all replies to posts I make.

  • POTOOOOOOOO@reddthat.com
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    7 days ago

    I was vegan for about 8 years. I just don’t bring it up often. I don’t tell people I am a vegetarian. It’s not a bragging point. It’s just one part of who I am. Don’t make it your whole identity.

    • protist@mander.xyz
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      7 days ago

      Totally this. I have friends who are vegan, everyone in our group knows they’re vegan, and they never stand in judgment of those of us who eat meat or talk about being vegan or why they’re vegan unless they’re asked. Simply modeling their diet with total non-judgment has made them some of the best ambassadors for veganism I’ve ever met. Almost all of us have reduced our meat consumption over time as a result

  • RBWells@lemmy.world
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    6 days ago

    You just do you. I think when people say “bad” they generally mean preachy. That is not most vegans. Just live your life, eat what you want, bring good food to potlucks so that you know you’ll have something.

    I will add that mentioning it is not preachy, if you get an overreaction it’s not you. I am omnivorous and would want someone to tell me before a party or outing so that I don’t accidentally invite them to a steakhouse or BBQ joint. I often make vegan food for potlucks just because it’s sort of a baseline, most everyone can eat it.

    • AA5B@lemmy.world
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      5 days ago

      There’s probably an element of “read the room”. I’m open to trying something new or different to me, have enjoyed many meals that happen to not include animal products, and will be offended if you let me be a bad host by lack of communication. But I certainly know all too many fellow carnivores who will be offended at the mere mention

  • vrighter@discuss.tchncs.de
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    5 days ago

    accept the fact that, even if it works for you, not everyone would be willing to switch to that lifestyle. And that’s ok!

  • iusearchbtw@lemm.ee
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    7 days ago

    Hey, glad you want to be a considerate, conscientious vegan! You won’t upset anyone as long as you follow these simple rules:

    1. Never admit that you are vegan
    2. Never talk about veganism
    3. When people are talking about meat, eagerly participate
    4. Do not eat visibly vegan food in public
    5. If offered meat or cheese, eat it without protest
    6. Do not cook vegan food if serving others
    7. When you see a cow, remark out loud how you want to eat it

    That’s about all you need to know to be one of the Good Vegans. Hope this helps!

  • Broken@lemmy.ml
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    5 days ago

    My sister in law is vegan. She is the most normal person about it I’ve ever met. She doesn’t talk about it unless it comes up in conversation in a normal way.

    She doesn’t proclaim it, because its part of who she is it isn’t the whole of who she is. She also understands that other people’s choices are theirs and she doesn’t need to convert them, or defend her own position.

    When we have family gatherings, we try to accommodate with food offerings, but she says we don’t need to and always brings her own food and extra to share. This is important because she’s self sufficient and doesn’t expect anybody to adjust their life to match her choices. Likewise, between diets and allergies we as a family just always ensure people know what is in what.

    These are just simple examples. My point being, I don’t think of her as vegan. I think of her as my sister in law. Be a normal person and its all good. If its not, then that’s not on you. There are jerk vegans and jerk non-vegans. Don’t be a jerk. Don’t tolerate jerks in return.

  • Ledivin@lemmy.world
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    5 days ago

    The same way you be a “good religious person” - don’t fucking proselytize. It’s your choice, and that’s great, but you don’t need to force it onto others.

  • davel [he/him]@lemmy.ml
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    7 days ago

    You can’t really be a good vegan to people who hate vegans: the fact that they’re assholes is 100% on them and 0% on you.

    Their hate of vegans comes from their own hangups. I imagine it’s one or more of:

    1. Their own uncomfortable feelings around eating animal products, which you are reminding them of.
    2. They think that vegans think that they’re “better than them,” and they resent vegans for it.
    3. Some weird toxic masculinity-adjacent thing.
    4. They just hate anything & everything that isn’t normal/consensus, for whatever reason.

    Maybe there are other hangups as well; those are what immediately come to mind.

  • millie@beehaw.org
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    6 days ago

    I’m not vegan, but I find it absolutely wild that anyone thinks being kind of annoying sometimes comes anywhere near the level of moral or ethical bankruptcy involved in being complicit in the mass torture of animals for the sake of convenience. Like, okay, yeah, it’s not like we have the option of just deciding on behalf of powerful capitalists to just end factory farming. But deciding to at least try not to participate in it by changing your diet is at least something.

    Don’t worry about being a “good vegan” if that means having to tiptoe around the fact that the rest of us fuel immense suffering both monetarily and through social normalization. You’re trying, and that’s great.

    • AndrasKrigare@beehaw.org
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      6 days ago

      Just curious, why aren’t you vegan if you consider it morally bankrupt to be complicit in the meat industry?

      • millie@beehaw.org
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        5 days ago

        I quit eating meat for a year once and it was pretty shit for my mental health. I do try to avoid the worst of factory farming as much as I can, though. Organic eggs (in my state regulations on organic eggs include a number of anti-cruelty measures), minimal chicken to reduce the death to meat quantity ratio, things like that. But also, I personally don’t feel as though the suffering inflicted on insect populations or rodent populations, or the damages of large scale farming, or the cruelty involved in transporting bees for pollenation are particularly okay either. I’m not really sure there’s such a thing as effective veganism in modern society unless you’re growing your own food at home, and I don’t have the energy, financial security, or access to land for that.

        Nearly every product we consume leads to suffering and destruction. I don’t think being short of the point where you’re willing to radically change your lifestyle means I should deny that, though, even if all my spoons tend to be spent on shit like dragging myself out of bed and ensuring air quality that triggers my asthma and allergies as little as possible.

        Humans are a mess. There’s a substantial cost in physical and psychological resources and energy to dwindling the impact of that mess, but there’s very little cost to at least acknowledging it and advocating for growing as a species.

  • dohpaz42@lemmy.world
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    7 days ago

    Don’t live your life to please other people. It’ll make you miserable because there will always be those you can’t please. Instead, define for yourself what a “good vegan” is, and do your best to meet that standard. Everybody is different, and only you know what works for you.

    Also, be forgiving of yourself. Everybody makes mistakes; no one is born an expert at anything. The fact that we still bite our tongues while eating is proof of that. So give yourself grace when you make a mistake; learn from it, and become better.

  • IMNOTCRAZYINSTITUTION@lemmy.world
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    7 days ago

    Idk but be prepared for people to be extreme assholes to you because they don’t like your choice of food. Mfers will see you not order a meat dish at a restaurant and take offense and try to bait you into an argument. Don’t fall for it because they’ll play dirty

    • Churbleyimyam@lemm.ee
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      7 days ago

      Lots of non-vegans make the assumption that vegans are looking down on them as morally inferior and don’t like it.

      The best you can do for them is to tell them that it isn’t about them; it’s your choice for yourself.

      Of course you might actually see them as morally inferior, in which case you can just say “Hey I am vegan and while I do see you as morally inferior, it wasn’t me who brought up the subject.”

      • bobs_monkey@lemm.ee
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        6 days ago

        Plenty of non vegans have those views due to first hand experiences with those vegans, namely the few vocal ones that make veganism their entire personality and admonish anyone who isn’t like them. Personally, I’ve been chewed out twice by two separate vegans, once because I ordered a cheeseburger at a bar (we were out having beers, I got hungry, ordered a burger, and friend of a friend proceeded on a half hour rant about how I’m evil and am destroying the planet, and that I am a terrible person, etc), the other because I walked past a rally on my way somewhere and wasn’t expressly in support of their cause. I also have a couple buddies that went the vegan route, but we just don’t talk about to because it’s a pointless argument. Like, I’m cool with y’all’s choice, power to you, just don’t crawl up my ass because I like meat. Live and let live

    • protist@mander.xyz
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      7 days ago

      Mfers will see you not order a meat dish at a restaurant and take offense and try to bait you into an argument

      Who does this?! I’ve gone out to eat with vegan friends many times, and this has never happened, not once. And I live in Texas

      • IMNOTCRAZYINSTITUTION@lemmy.world
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        6 days ago

        My bio family is made up of shit people who hate anything they don’t get. And friends of friends of friends at social gatherings have made snarky comments to that effect as well

  • vfreire85@lemmy.ml
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    6 days ago

    “What makes a “good vegan”, and how can I be one?”

    huh… not eating/consuming animal-related products?

  • communism@lemmy.ml
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    7 days ago

    Most vegan hate is just reactionary and you should disregard it. It’s because vegans force omnivores to confront the reality of where their food comes from, to confront climate science, and to confront your own personal social responsibility. I think it’s very silly to be concerned with being a “good vegan”. If you don’t want to get into arguments then just eat your vegan food and move on. If people take issue with you deciding to eat the food you want to eat, and having boundaries around not wanting to eat certain foods, especially given that these decisions are based on your own moral compass, then they are complete dickheads you should not be around anyway.

    I also don’t think there’s anything morally wrong with being a naggy/pushy vegan. I don’t try to convince anyone to go vegan just because I figure if they want to then they will, if there’s resistance then I have better ways to spend my time. If they’re vegan-curious they’re always welcome to ask me about it. I think whether or not you try to make other people go vegan is a personal choice, and a political choice about how to most effectively enact your politics.

    I think trying to have a more progressive social circle will help you, because I have honest to god never experienced one of my friends taking issue with me being vegan, and several of my omnivorous friends have confessed to me unprompted that they feel bad about eating animal products and “should” eat more vegan food (I don’t ever even talk about veganism except for just mentioning that I’m vegan when we’re getting food together). Like I said, if they take issue with the food you choose to eat/food you refuse to eat for moral reasons, they are just plain dickheads and you should stop being friends with them.

  • arthur@lemmy.zip
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    5 days ago

    I know a lot o vegans, they are all chill. On their daily life, to be vegan is a a non-issue, for themselves and others.

    On social events we generally have some extra options to accommodate them, and that’s it.

    So, for yourself, you probably need to do some planning ahead to be sure that the place where you are going will have options, or, if the event will be on someone’s house, check with the host if they will offer (or if you can bring) something suitable for you.

    If you are not trying to force other people to live your lifestyle, guilt-trip them or show yourself as moral superior to others, them you already are a “good vegan”.

    And, if you want to invite people to be like you, do it by offering/showing tasty animal-free food to your guests as an option.

    • Billegh@lemmy.world
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      6 days ago

      For me, it isn’t really a hatred, more a “I’m tired of hearing about this.” It’s almost never “I’m vegan” and that’s the end of it. It’s all too often “I’m vegan and you should be too and you should feel bad for not being vegan and here in my TED talk I will cover…”

      Be vegan if you want. If you decide to proselytize, take “no” or “stop” for an answer.

        • Billegh@lemmy.world
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          6 days ago

          Perhaps, but the unpleasant ones are usually very unpleasant and sometimes violent.

          My wife and I will accommodate vegans so long as they’re content to keep it to themselves. If we don’t wish to eat the same thing, that’s our choice and not intended as an offense.