For most of my life, I failed to understand hookup culture and ONS. “Damn, I met someone appealing enough that I would like to have sex with them! You know what would make this better? Never seeing them again!” You discovered a Fountain of Sex! Why abandon that now that it’s flowing?!
Some people get their validation from sex. They might not even like the sex. In fact they probably don’t enjoy it but they do like that bit of validation.
They probably aren’t attracted to their ONS. Once they feel validation they want to be far away from the prison they felt it with.
Some people get their validation from sex. They might not even like the sex. In fact they probably don’t enjoy it but they do like that bit of validation.
It took me a few decades to get perspective, but then I encountered people with commitment issues, some of the more chaotic attachment style variants, and various traumas. “Ah, now I understand. You do you and be safe out there, neighbor.”
Although I didn’t fully understand it at the time, the reason I was so clumsy at the hookup scene, is because I was always thinking more long-term. As it turned out, I was much more comfortable in relationships, of doing fun stuff like reverse dates: have sex with my partner, then go out to dinner and/or drinks with her.
Then we realized a funny thing: when we are both relaxed, we notice nearly everyone else around us was tense about the same thing, hunting and preening, and there we were, smiling knowingly at each other, having just fucked each other’s brains out, enjoying a drink with zero stress in the mind and body.
People on the hookup scene have it the wrong way around.
If they only knew the pleasure of going out having already done the deed. Daily intimacy has this and many other perks.Not everyone is you, and you’re not them. What they enjoy is not what you enjoy, and that’s fine
