I just had a chat about drugs with my son this week.
It always bothered me that I was told “Drugs are bad, mmmkay?” but when I met some stoners that weren’t living in a van down by the river, it made me wonder what else they had lied to me about, and I disregarded EVERYTHING they warned me about. Got in a little trouble, but just enough to learn from, and I’ve kept my shit together. I’ve also seen other’s lives fall apart.
So, I was open and honest with him. I told him to be smart. Remember that alcohol makes you act without thinking, and pot makes you think without action. Set rules for yourself so when your mind is altered, you don’t need to rely on it in tough situations. Everybody’s drunk and wants to go for a ride? Don’t get in that car. You will want to act without thinking, so remember your rule. You have a big paper due on Monday? Don’t smoke until it’s done, because you won’t get more creative, you’ll just not do it.
And I told him that there are lines he shouldn’t cross. Meth, opiates, and cigarettes. I told him about a friend who’s been hooked on meth for years and how she’s ruined the lives of everyone she interacts with. And cigarettes don’t really fit in with the rest of that list, but he knows I’m a slave to the things, and I told him how I went from the only non-smoker in the group to over a pack a day for the past 20 years.
I hope he was listening, and respects my honesty enough to stay safe, happy and successful.
For real. This is my basic approach to parenting too and I feel the same way about both substances (while also enjoying both), but I’ve never seen it expressed in just the right way like this. It’s perfect. Another one I’ve found useful is “drinking is borrowing happiness from tomorrow”. Applies to certain other substances to a degree but damn if it isn’t exactly right for alcohol. A loan is not always a bad idea, to be clear, but it’s good to be clear on the terms of any loan, lol.
My parents were very open and honest about their drug use and the use of their friends and family. I set rules for myself and never got truly in trouble, I’ve definitely made dumb mistakes, but I’m definitely better off then some of my friends.
The only thing that my dad said that was really dumb was “it’s your choice, you can have chicks and cars or dudes and drugs”. At the time, I had almost no friends, never really had friends up until then. Growing up with severe socal and separation anxiety will do that. I didn’t really care about cars, chicks did drugs, so why not have some dudes too.
Similar background. My parents just took the “everything is very bad” angle but it was very obvious that want true in a lot of cases. The result being a lot of risky experimentation with no support or guidance from an adult.
I think the message is, life is about the journey, we’re here to experience everything we can and that includes sex, drugs, and rock and roll. The problem is that its very easy to make a mistake that will greatly diminish your experiences later on.
With driving, and sex, a momentary lapse in judgement can irrevocably change the trajectory of your life. Simply being aware of that is hopefully enough to help someone make smart choices?
Drugs and booze can be fun. I enjoyed the full range of experiences in that regard. The best I can do is to try to ensure my kids feel comfortable talking to me about things.
Edit: yeah smoking is a real bitch. I got off that train a year ago thank fuck. IDK how to talk to a kid about something like that. Maybe just let them talk and challenge the misconceptions. The thing that trapped me is that I thought I wouldn’t get addicted because it was so awful. It took a lot of effort to get used to it. By then it was too late.
You have a big paper due on Monday? Don’t smoke until it’s done, because you won’t get more creative, you’ll just not do it.
I actually love writing while high. Everything flows so much more easily for me, and I make connections I might not otherwise. It’s great when I’m having trouble just getting words on the page. It does usually require an extra passover in editing though lol
I just had a chat about drugs with my son this week.
It always bothered me that I was told “Drugs are bad, mmmkay?” but when I met some stoners that weren’t living in a van down by the river, it made me wonder what else they had lied to me about, and I disregarded EVERYTHING they warned me about. Got in a little trouble, but just enough to learn from, and I’ve kept my shit together. I’ve also seen other’s lives fall apart.
So, I was open and honest with him. I told him to be smart. Remember that alcohol makes you act without thinking, and pot makes you think without action. Set rules for yourself so when your mind is altered, you don’t need to rely on it in tough situations. Everybody’s drunk and wants to go for a ride? Don’t get in that car. You will want to act without thinking, so remember your rule. You have a big paper due on Monday? Don’t smoke until it’s done, because you won’t get more creative, you’ll just not do it.
And I told him that there are lines he shouldn’t cross. Meth, opiates, and cigarettes. I told him about a friend who’s been hooked on meth for years and how she’s ruined the lives of everyone she interacts with. And cigarettes don’t really fit in with the rest of that list, but he knows I’m a slave to the things, and I told him how I went from the only non-smoker in the group to over a pack a day for the past 20 years.
I hope he was listening, and respects my honesty enough to stay safe, happy and successful.
“alcohol makes you act without thinking and pot makes you think without action” is so gonna be stolen for future use. Yoink.
Help yourself! I was particularly proud of that one. Seemed to summarize them perfectly!
For real. This is my basic approach to parenting too and I feel the same way about both substances (while also enjoying both), but I’ve never seen it expressed in just the right way like this. It’s perfect. Another one I’ve found useful is “drinking is borrowing happiness from tomorrow”. Applies to certain other substances to a degree but damn if it isn’t exactly right for alcohol. A loan is not always a bad idea, to be clear, but it’s good to be clear on the terms of any loan, lol.
This.
My parents were very open and honest about their drug use and the use of their friends and family. I set rules for myself and never got truly in trouble, I’ve definitely made dumb mistakes, but I’m definitely better off then some of my friends.
The only thing that my dad said that was really dumb was “it’s your choice, you can have chicks and cars or dudes and drugs”. At the time, I had almost no friends, never really had friends up until then. Growing up with severe socal and separation anxiety will do that. I didn’t really care about cars, chicks did drugs, so why not have some dudes too.
Edit: spelling
/remindme in 10 years to talk with my daughter like this parent did
This is my plan.
Similar background. My parents just took the “everything is very bad” angle but it was very obvious that want true in a lot of cases. The result being a lot of risky experimentation with no support or guidance from an adult.
I think the message is, life is about the journey, we’re here to experience everything we can and that includes sex, drugs, and rock and roll. The problem is that its very easy to make a mistake that will greatly diminish your experiences later on.
With driving, and sex, a momentary lapse in judgement can irrevocably change the trajectory of your life. Simply being aware of that is hopefully enough to help someone make smart choices?
Drugs and booze can be fun. I enjoyed the full range of experiences in that regard. The best I can do is to try to ensure my kids feel comfortable talking to me about things.
Edit: yeah smoking is a real bitch. I got off that train a year ago thank fuck. IDK how to talk to a kid about something like that. Maybe just let them talk and challenge the misconceptions. The thing that trapped me is that I thought I wouldn’t get addicted because it was so awful. It took a lot of effort to get used to it. By then it was too late.
I actually love writing while high. Everything flows so much more easily for me, and I make connections I might not otherwise. It’s great when I’m having trouble just getting words on the page. It does usually require an extra passover in editing though lol
I hear ya, but we’ll at least wait until he’s in college to figure that out. 😂