I always wanted children. Damn near every major life choice has been fueled by that. Took a job I knew I wouldn’t be happy at, but could be successful at to provide a better life. Yhe cars I’ve bought the safety rating for kids was to priority followed by reliability. The house I bought is within walking distance of every grade school, and the basement could easily be setup for a hangout spot for the teen years, oh and a good sized backyard for playing. One of the reasons I stayed at this job is I’m at max PTO and they actually offer paternity leave! I always make mental notes of fun places for kids so I could take them. When they were younger, and I was still considered cool, my niece and nephew wanted to move in with me 😆.
Just never met the right lady.
I just wanna say I am sorry that it is near impossible for single dads to adopt kids. I understand the reasoning but want to cry because there are kids who need parents but you can’t be the parent to one.
Oof. Not sure if you’re still trying, but maybe try focusing on (improving) yourself with the same dedication?
Even if it were possible, I still would not prefer to have any kids.
First off, I haven’t even been a “proper adult”, and probably would never be. How can I be expected to raise a child with the care and love they deserve when I don’t even have my life sorted out? Even if you argue that I’d have to change once having a child, I’ve also seen people fail to change even after having children they swore they loved even more than their own life.
Secondly, we’ve already got enough people that are unwanted and abandoned. Why not take better care of people we already have now?
Lastly, parenting is a huge commitment. It’s not just about you and your “legacy”, but another life that will suffer for your mistakes. For those who are up to the task and willingly take on the responsibility, thank you and best of luck!
There would have to be some dramatic changes in the world socially and politically before I’ll feel even remotely comfortable having kids. Also my finances would need to change.
And my family also has some genetic issues I’d rather not pass on.
Adoption is an option, but I’m pretty sure I don’t even want one in the first place. When I was younger I thought having kids seemed like a sucker’s game. My opinion has softened on that a bit, but it’s still difficult to imagine actually wanting children.
No biological kids. In my opinion, there is no reason to produce biological children when there already are millions of parentless, unloved children in foster homes.
That being said, some days I yearn to take care of a child - to know I have given an existing being the opportunity to a better life.
A couple of years ago, in Portugal, there were more couples looking to adopt than “viable” children up for adoption. While your statement makes total sense, it may be a insensible option on your country. Make due research!
There are options, you could foster too or adopt.
Thanks! I never thought of that.
No kids. I love having money and the freedom to do whatever I want whenever I want.
Kids for me. They have improved my life more than anything else. Having the first two pushed me to go back to school and get a real job. I got more when my ex & I split and I married a guy with kids; we have a staggering number between us, most were teens or older when we got together and they are all close now, so they have a network of family to help and socialize with. The youngest is almost done with high school so we are in the final stretch of having them at home. The Thanksgiving feast here is insane, so many people, chaotic and fun.
Now - having said all that, I always knew I wanted kids, not necessarily to birth them but to raise them. Babies are adorable , little kids blistering cute, teenagers so much fun and occasionally helpful, and then they grow up and are actual people. It is work I find fulfilling and it helps the world to have educated, sensible, open-minded people. Most of my kids don’t want kids themselves and that’s fine! Everyone has their own life to live.
So for me, kids. For you, whatever you want, I don’t think it’s essential to become an adult and don’t think it’s the only way to get a family either.
I’m struggling with teenagers being enjoyable, both of mine were monsters. They are adults and doing well now, but I wouldn’t re-do the teenage years if you paid me. I’m glad your experience was much better.
I had two terrible toddlers, but once they were kids they were cool. Two who I guess will get a midlife crisis, because they never caused trouble as kids or teens. The rest I got when they were teens or older and while not all of them (bio or other) were academic superstars or high performing athletes or anything, they were all reasonable and interesting and diverse people by teenage years.
thanks for the opinion.
its so heartwarming to read your comment
pardon my english :)
No kids. They’re a huge, life long commitment that you need to be willing to sacrifice everything for. Your happiness, your sanity, your time, your money… everything.
And I’m not the type of person who wants kids nearly enough to do that.
Especially when people tell me that I should for reasons like having a caretaker when I’m older. I’m not attached to my parents enough to do that. Why would I expect that of anything I pop out? And what a horrible selfish reason to make a new human that is!
If the only reason I’d be having a kid is selfish reasons in the distant future that aren’t even a guarantee, then that’s not worth sacrificing myself for right now.
Nothing against other people who want to be parents, so long as they’re prepared and not doing it as some sort of life insurance or to make a clone of themselves.
yep, good opinion sir…
I’m a parent, and we made the conscious decision to become parents. That said, I can fully understand people who don’t want to have that responsibility. It can be exhausting and thankless, changing almost everything with your life, hobbies and habits.
On the other side of the coin, the depth of love you feel as a parent is impossible to describe. With that comes a set of incredible feelings, watching your children experience, learn and grow.
Basically, parenthood is almost completely thankless, but I wouldn’t give it up for the world.
Not everyone who has kids ends up feeling this way though :(
And then the grandkids show up…it’s like amping up the feelings for my kids x10
All the fun, none of the long term responsibilities!
No kids.
I don’t want any more stress, and I don’t like kids anyway. Plus the idea of bringing someone else in this world… I want to die, why would I cause living to someone else?
And even if my views do change in the future, I’d rather go for adoption. Not only would I not create more life, but I could perhaps give someone a better chance.
I don’t really understand the appeal of your kids being blood-related anyway. What’s the point?No kids, ever. I can hardly take care of myself, can’t even be trusted with a plant, and I find them disgusting. Who will care for me when I am old? I have worked long and hard with the elderly, and knowing how many of them were abandoned by their families, it is easy to see that my odds are better investing the money I would use to raise a child, in a retirement fund instead.
But with how broke I am, I am not even getting to do the retirement fund thing, so yay. Glad I didn’t let an ex change my mind when I was earning a lot back in the day, because those jobs got “optimized” and outsourced.
I often feel like the odd one out in this conversation because I feel like I’m the only person with no strong feelings one way or the other. Like I could be totally okay with never having kids, but also fine with having kids.
I know several people who feel this way!!
I have a kid and I feel this way.
To be clear, I absolutely love my son and I’m glad I have him. But I also still feel like if I had decided not to have kids, I’d have been fine with it.
It’s a different framing now though, of “Do you want a kid”, in the hypothetical, vs. “Would you be ok if you didn’t have [Insert your kid’s name here].” I’d be devastated if my son were not in my life. But I think I’d have been fine if I chose not to have a kid.
No. I hate to live, my country and this entire world. Plus, there’s no future for humanity. I don’t want my children to feel this way.
Kids.
Nothing comes close to how difficult it is. It takes everything.
Nothing comes close to how amazing it is, and I mean nothing! It’s fantastic, rewarding in so many ways, it even develops your character.
I didn’t know I wanted them.
Same boat. We didn’t realize we wanted it until it was happening. It sometimes isn’t so black-and-white.
Having no kids. I currently have no children and do not plan to. I am satisfied with my life. My only real concerns are about who would support me when I age. Not monetarily but just in case my mind starts to slip and I need someone to help me get the help I need. I don’t feel comfortable having a child or adopting with that being the sole reason.
Never considered the who would support you in advanced age argument. But I live in the US and any children I have would end up as probably the poorest generation to ever exist in this country, so not them I suppose.
Like I said, I view the financial aspect of my responsibility. It’s more like I’d be worried about not really being able to make my own decisions and not having someone there to help me out. Someone to help pick what retirement home or elder care facility I end up in. Someone to check on me and make sure those places aren’t doing elder abuse. That sort of stuff.
I’d be worried about not really being able to make my own decisions and not having someone there to help me out.
I don’t know about you, but I sure hope I’d be able to check out before that time comes for me. Before my mind and body becomes too feeble, I’d like to be able to just nope out.
I agree, but I also don’t know if I’ll have that opinion in the future…
So, I have a few family members getting on in age and they are worried about the same thing. In one instance, they hired a house cleaner to come on once a week, just purley my happenstance, but she is able to let us know if said family member feels “a little off base”
Have seen both sides of the fence on this.
Met my first wife when I was in my 20s, she was a bit older, already divorced with kids. We were together for over 10 years, and one of her sons lived with us off and on during his teenage years. We enjoyed all the benefits of a childless existence - disposable income, freedom to do whatever we wanted evenings/weekends, etc, etc.
Eventually our marriage broke down. The reasons for it are entirely unrelated to us not having kids, but we were definitely not destined to be together for the rest of our lives.
About a year or so later I met an incredible woman, and I truly learned what it meant to have a soulmate. We were awesome together. She already had two young kids - 6yo and 9yo - and, a year or so later again, we had our own baby girl. We married a couple of years after that.
We now have a family that includes an amazing 21yo woman, a fabulous 18yo fella, and a beautiful 10yo daughter. My life is complete and I can’t imagine it without any of them in it.
When you know, you know.
