Since less techy people tend to use more the mouse/touchpad anyways, I would pick a hard-to-mess-with desktop environment like Cinnamon or Gnome. With KDE, XFCE and such you can screw panels really easily if you don’t know what you’re doing.
Slap Debian under it and there you go

If you are in a position where you need to defend your booze consumpion, you’re probably an alcoholic.

14 as well. I used to play in a marching band as a kid and we traveled abroad for a couple concerts over a long weekend: picture an unsupervized child surrounded by enabling adults in Southern Germany with access to free beer for one night.
I drank almost 3 liters of beer (yeah German beer is better than any other, sorry), got escorted to my hotel room by our town mayor, where I proceeded to expel my soul via esophagus and… March and play on the morning of the next day.
I was right in front of the bass drum.
20 years later I can steel feel every hit like a clear pain deep in my skull bones.

Welcome to the team.
I hope you brought your bouncing shoes because as soon as you’ll get comfortable, you’ll start hopping a lot

Well Aaron didn’t deepthroat a mushroom-shaped presidential cock to ask for pardon

I’ve been using 0.7 point Pentel Supremes since I began high school

After the first afternoon probably

You’re free to go if you just donate the sperm to a fertility clinic every time you crank one out.

Follow me form more loopholes

You are projecting a lot of things I haven’t said: I’m not crashing a wedding for any sense of politics, this is beyond any political motivation. This is personal.
If I have a beef with my brother, or any other member of my family, and they invite me to their wedding, boy am I making them regret this decision.
Everyone at that party is going to think twice before sending me that golden print letter in the future. No one thinks you’re a “crazy liberal” when you’re puking orange juice and vodka you brought from home in the punchbowl and then shout out “Don’t worry everyone, it’s just gonna taste better!”

If that was really the case and if I was OP I’d go to that wedding, get absolutely shitfaced in the least amount of time my liver allows me to and let the shitshow begin.
There is no point in peaceful confrontation when the world is burning.

“My brother calls me a moron and punches me in the dick every day and I don’t want to let him anymore, am I the asshole?”

I’m pretty sure this is not a traffic light

Also known as the “lasagna books”

Random lesser known facts in no particular order:

• You really have to say my name out loud before you start talking out of the blue otherwhise I won’t hear the whole sentence.
• Don’t break my hyperfocus unless dinner’s ready or the house is burning down. Everything else can wait.
• Dating is either the greatest thing in life or your worst nightmare. More often the second one. No way to know beforehand.
• You learn to condition yourself like a dog trainer, with treats and diversion.
• I wasn’t finished talking, I was pausing.
• No I won’t sing the whole song, just a part of the chorus or the intrumental riff. Yes, over and over for hours maybe. I know, I’m sorry.

Edit: Also, for the parents of children with ADHD get an adult with ADHD and make them interact with your child. You’ll learn more from 10 minutes of that than years of literally anything else.

“I really love chemistry, airplanes and fireworks”

You can draw a 3d printable guitar then knit a gigbag for it.
Finding a way to make my hobbies collide helped me a bit.

Facebook has officially become 4chan for boomers

I read your comment in my head with the voice of Gunnery Sergeant Hartman and made me laugh

I don’t see it that way but I’m not gonna argue, since I have no horse in this race. I’m not an ubuntu hater, I actually think it’s both a good gateway to the FOSS world and a good permanent solutions for those who don’t mind a corporate approach to linux. I just find it funny to take random punches at it once in a while…

Have you tried crying for 45/60 minutes? Works like a charm