Mid-30s woman here, from western US. I call my mom any of the following, depending on mood/context:

• Mom
• Mommy
• Mama
• Ma (definitely can become Maaaaa at times)
• Uma
• Mother (usually in a jokingly stern tone)
• Her name (when she’s being particularly deaf)

I read it as GLaDOS first and got a little smile, then went back and reread it as Cave Johnson and laughed.

I desperately want to unsee this and I hate the fact that I can’t.

Well, since he’s clearly unnamed, I’m naming him Speck.

Mustardize me!

I haven’t looked that good in a photo in ages; I’m glad they got my good side.

I…want to eat it.

Based on the username and formatting of the title, I’m guessing OP’s native language may be Japanese, where questions are often statement+question word.

Shitsumon desu - It’s a question.

Shitsumon desu ka - Is it a question?

Explain humans. Checkmate, scientists!

How appropriate to have posted it here. Are you cleaning up the hole place?

I meant vosotros, yes, thank you! Sorry, it’s been over two decades since I was in Spanish class; I mixed vos and vosotros up.

Maybe it’s because I’m from California, but we learned Mexico-Spanish. The books included Spain-Spanish (i.e. vos conjugations), but my teachers never included it in our lessons.

This was my first thought, too 😂

Wait until I’m about to die, then go back to when the first land-dwelling animals first started coming ashore. I’d bring a bunch of cockroaches with me and then I’d die there. Either the roaches or my decaying corpse will hopefully cause enough change to the timeline that humanity never develops in the first place.

I think that’s the most I could screw over the (human) world.

US federal employees:

Leaving behind only Saddam Hussein.

Fuck, I am so sorry people are saying that to you. I can see myself saying it to a close friend as a gallows humor joke, but not with a stranger.

Hugs to you, my friend. You still being around, you not giving up - that is heroic.

…can you help ban them in the US, too, please?

I expect the delivery comes off as he isn’t actually trying/wanting to sleep with any of them; it’s nonthreatening, so people may be more receptive to his comments.