Tits.

I get that this is a super problematic take, but I firmly believe that every daughter hates her mom from age 13-21.

Many years ago I lost the naming rights of my firstborn in a bet. If I have a boy I have to name him Dongshaun. If I have a girl she has to be Clydia.

One of my coworkers is a militant atheist metalhead. He’s also fully maga cult. He’s been ranting about people saying ‘happy holidays’ all week. It’s a bizarre contradiction.

Yeah, my eyes would be on fire for hours.

https://youtu.be/PJwo6bMKBaw

My favorite comment on it is “My balls dropped during this video. And my I’m a 35-year-old woman.”

One of our cats has successfully gotten through three different types of child-proof locks to get into the treat cabinet.

The other one just sat on a lit candle.

Plus the best goddamn theme song ever.

Listen to that baby purr.

Season 1 was a masterpiece, at least for me and my drinking buddies. Kinda fell off a cliff, though.

Almost ate a bag of Dick’s today, but wanted to make it home in time for the game.

Probably should’ve eaten some Dick’s.

Yup. I tried it because it sounded like a pleasant way to wake up. Instead I just started hating some of my favorite songs.

You know what they call The Hunger Games in France? Battle Royale with cheese…

Failed self-circumcision.

Exactly. In and of itself, criticizing illegal immigration is simply criticizing an illegal act. However, it is usually steeped in racist logic and arguments. Talking about how people who come over our southern border are genetically inferior and prone to crime is racist as fuck. Adding roadblocks to immigration for brown people while simultaneously streamlining immigration of white South Africans (the guys who did Apartheid) is racist as fuck.

Why would the sex be unsafe? There are Trojans everywhere.

Acid King is touring this winter.

Hey, that’s a giant in Hollywood.

Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?