I apologize for any offense I may have caused, but I believe your presence here is no coincidence. You have to be the messenger. Please pass it along to the others via email chain letter, or perhaps more effectively, state that Mark Zuckerberg has changed the rules of Facebook and requires all users to automatically swipe when handed people’s phones. That should be effective in getting Aunt Joyce to do the exact opposite.

That’s honestly pretty bog-standard. That’s a term I learned on here a few days ago.

Never hand a boomer your phone. Especially an elderly boomer, and especially if that boomer is your mother. They will always start swiping. It’s like their brain just deflates. Their eyes glaze over. They get this wide, tranquil smile, as if to say, “Hot dawwg! This boundless collection of photos I’ve been handed is going to be a real treat!”, and they just start swiping. They just start fucking swiping.

Ah, I’ve got one of these due this month, but the Canada Post strike is going on. I still don’t know who signed me up, but I’ve been getting this joke mail for months now.

Pretty cunty meme.

o7

STALKER and The Elder Scrolls probably hold the record. I may have wasted even more time in my life on World of Warcraft, but I feel like that doesn’t count since you’re just in a fucking trance for several years until you finally break away.

This is incredible!

Do twins look the same naked? Do siblings? Do sisters have the same boobs? Do brothers have the same balls?

I used to make these in the bathtub all the time as a kid.

I was clearing three, sometimes even four Rockstars per day not too long ago. Just got to where they didn’t even affect me much, and cracking open fresh ones throughout the day just made me feel alert and good. I got it back down to just one every morning around 5 or 6am, with maybe a second in the afternoon once per week – usually on a Saturday or Sunday when running errands and trying to survive parenthood. I’m in my late-thirties now, and need to find an effective alternative, but coffee makes me feel poisoned… almost like there’s toxic metals coursing through my veins.

Tried pairing coffee with taurine to counteract the negative side-effects of the caffeine, but it doesn’t work quite as well without whatever witch’s brew they throw in with it in energy drinks.

Do you also leave a mix of both dirty and “clean” clothes laying about on the bathroom/bedroom floor all week, and then get irritated when your partner eventually picks them up and puts them in the dirty laundry hamper? 😅

My wife always just gets mad and implies that I (the primary cleaner of the house) moved or misplaced her perpetually lost items, and 10/10 times she figures out that it was indeed her own goddamn self who misplaced said thing. Truly, this has happened almost weekly for well over a decade and I swear it has never been me.

I don’t even get annoyed anymore. I find immediate satisfaction in knowing she’s eventually going to realize she played herself.

At least Dave got rid of that reverse Flock of Seagulls piece of shit.

I viewed this comic and a cartoon worm started eating all of my icons.

I believe his father was fairly ambiguous in the original film. I don’t know that he was ever intended to be Maximus’ son, but be did have a bond with Lucius, and be was definitely implied to be an old lover and likely a mashing buddy of his mother’s.

Hey, Google… What’s the best way to suck a dick?

…

…

…

“Sorry, I don’t understand… But I found something else on the web. Do you want to know when sucking a dick, what’s the best way to do it?”

… Yes…

“Okay! … According to Dickopedia, when sucking a dick, the best way to do it is to place the dick deep in your mouth and schlurp on that thang while you suck on that thang. This will make it extra schlimy and grimy! When the blowjob was invented in 1876 by Massachusetts-based baker and suspected witch Edward (Schlick Eddie) Von Howth, schlurping was not a part of the east coast maritime vocabulary. According to --”

HEY GOOGLE, STOP.

3 or 4 days. Abuse of stimulants. Not sure my body could handle that in my late thirties.

Being an entomologist would be sweet as hell. You walk into the lab on a Tuesday morning and Jerry, a gray-bearded researcher with spectacles and a friendly demeanor is like, “Hey, come over here, Kevin. Come look at this bug.”, and you go over there and see the coolest fucking bug.

I would like to, but four-year-olds aren’t exactly sanitary and there isn’t much I could put her to work on that doesn’t involve contact with fresh produce, so I’ll probably never have the chance.