literally the only thing I enjoyed about that movie were the titties.

movie made me violently ill and gave me a migraine.

do I not have the right to defend myself?

not all peepee times are poopoo times.

hopped on the local metro transport at like 6am. I sit down and try to not make eye contact with anyone and the smell hits me first.

dude like two seats down is passed the fuck out, dick in hand, legs stretched out, and he’s just shitting all over himself and the seat.

security comes over and tries to wake him up. they get loud and kinda rough with the guy. no response. they check for pulse. he ded. he big ded.

dude must have died mid stroke at some point in the morning commute and his bowels released soon after.

drugs are bad m’kay.

god damn that’s a really nice grill.

because the funereal business is a sham.

can’t have y without x and if you get x you need z. we’ve conveniently packaged it together in our x-z package for a low cost of $6999. isn’t this what the dearly departed would want from you? don’t they deserve the best??

and that’s why I’m a complete fucking asshole. I don’t deserve the best. I deserve to rot in a culvert on the outskirts of the airport.

brains?

I was always told I was smart growing up. what it did was gave me an excuse to not try.

empty complements fill a bubble of confidence that shields the ego from challenges.

praise kids on the objective goals they achieve instead of telling them “you’re really smart”.

running GDM on two laptops, same models etc. Wayland glitches out all the time compared to x11.

• windows flickering in/out of existence
• random screen flickering
• random screen artifacts
• DPI scaling issues
• screen sharing doesn’t work

x11 just works. like, no problems. I get it, new stuff etc, but Wayland has a long way to go before I switch.

I have light sensitivity and dealt with migraines for years before I realized blackout curtains were the cure.

I would kill myself if I had to go back.

I’m a fan of the poem and have had this name for 30+ years.

no no no. not like this…

I get constipated a lot, comes with age.

I once ate three helpings of cream of wheat and a triple strength coffee, extra cream, extra sugar.

I still could not shit, for two days. then, like a demon, it ripped through my ass like a shit monsoon. my balls were drenched and the toilet was clogged.

luckily, I was at the gas station. one of the attendants walked in while I was tea bagging the sink to wash my balls and taint clean. their surprised scream jolted me and I slipped on the floor. I attempted to grab the only thing I could to stop myself from falling, the sink. It was filled with paper towels to stop the drain and murky shit water from my sack and taint. I ripped that sink off the fucking wall, covering myself with shit water.

an acrid smell filled the room from the clogged toilet and now my whore bath water flooded the floor. the smell must have finally hit the attendant, because they began to dry heave and cover their mouth and nose.

I never went back to that gas station, but I always laugh my ass off whenever I pass by it.

do not pair fiber with coffee. if you don’t die, you’ll wish you did.

all the better to remove the federal internet license requirements.

find a baby or kids reuse store near you. often times you can find clothes, shoes, toys, etc still new in box or tagged for a couple $2-5 when new they sold for $15-30.

bonus, when you’re done you can sell it back if it’s still in decent condition.

kids go through clothes like crazy. no reason to spend $1000 a year on new when you can spend $100-200.

just don’t buy reused car seats, stay away from anyone trying to sell you one too.

if you can’t laugh at a tragedy, it could kill you.

the bowl is empty!

The Bowl Is Empty!

THE BOWL IS EMPTY!

THE BOWL IS EMPTY!

the bowl:

me: shut the fuck

if the options are wet or dry butthole, I’ll take dry.

I mean, I bathe regularly and don’t scratch my butthole so I don’t think there’s many positive tradeoffs to using a bidet if I have to walk around with a sloppy dripping crack.