*crashes, car bursts into flames, driver climbs out of wreck and walks through fireball, is fine except that the waistband on his underwear melted to his skin, thereby prompting F1 to require special fireproof underwear for their drivers.

Perhaps you could get AMD to pay you $35 billion for the hypothetical potential of amusement later on.

Girl Scout Cookies

We’ll discuss Elrond’s muscle mommy fixation at a later time.

He failed the “you should never point a gun at anything you aren’t prepared to destroy” test.

The rare reverse-Saddam.

TIL that Houndstooth dates back to at least 360-100 BC.

Why would I?

The Plants that Would Not Die

Watch the original Gone in 60 Seconds, from 1974. The car stunts are absolutely insane, to the extent that they probably shouldn’t have been allowed to make the movie the way they did, but it happened and I’m glad that cameras were rolling. The Nic Cage remake was trying to make a movie safer, slicker, and more coherently, but there’s no replacement for a bunch of insane stunt drivers risking their lives and the lives of everyone around them.

But then I start to feel like

this guy, with the “real” camera and the phone camera, but the phone camera is the one I’ve most consistently got on me, because I can’t lug a whole additional piece of hardware around in a camera bag, meanwhile the phone camera pictures are grainy and shitty, and I’d just as soon have a Pixel in my pocket at all times that can take fairly good pictures at all times.

Camera is probably the first obstacle. I’ve got a kid, and I really want to have good documentation of her growing up. If there were a dumbphone with a legit camera, that’d be a big deal for me.

After that, probably maps is the next most important thing that I want an actual smart phone for. I remember getting my first smart phone, and probably the main thing I was excited about was always being able to navigate directly to where I wanted to go.

Almost everything else is tertiary to my needs.

Well, now I want to see an artist’s rendition of a T. rex doing this:

The one on the right looks like it has an engorged tick for a nose.

You know, without any prompting, I heard this guy’s voice in a Russian accent.

Unironically Desmond Morris’ theory as to why human boobs look like that.

Check out his close friend and confidant, Johnny Aloha!

Well, now I want to know if there’s a regular schedule to the Jupiter-Sun barycenter being in or outside of the Sun, and how we can schedule holidays around it.