So, I’m in a long-term relationship with my loving partner, and everything is good, except for the matters of sex. Suffice it to say, one partner (male) has a very overwhelming sexual drive, while the other (female) needs sex like once a month (and it has always been so throughout life). Partners are monogamous and do not explore options of having a third party.
Can any good advice be derived for such cases? Is there something that can be done to improve things on each side? I would love to hear your advice.
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Lotsa sexting and dirty talk where I jerk off . Sad but if u spice it up it works for me
That’s tough. Obviously a compromise has to be made, but the problem with compromises is no one is actually happy they’re just less mad.
Are you sure her sex drive really is that much lower? A lot of times, especially with women, sex is not as enjoyable for them because they are trained to be passive and do whatever their partner wants. Why not try talking to her and figure out what she wants. Oftentimes this is difficult because of religious beliefs/purity culture stuff, but keep at it.
Ultimately communication both ways is key. The man needs to tell her his concerns, and she needs to be open with him about what she actually likes/wants.
She does indeed have many blocks in this regard, and that’s something we talked through extensively, although it’s not always easy. She’s willing to have this conversation, but it takes a lot of time to unlearn unhealthy expectations she has formed - including, yes, a desire to please me over herself.
Interestingly, right between this post and your response, we might have (hopefully) found one thing that breaks the ice, so to speak. I’ll see if it can be used to open some more secrets of her deeply buried sexuality…without overstepping much, of course.
But it marks a first time in our long-standing relationship that some key could have been found.
I have a much higher sex drive than my wife. We have been married 21 years. I want sex two to three times a week, she doesn’t think about it at all and will happily not have sex for a couple of months.
Just because she doesn’t need it or think about it doesn’t mean she doesn’t enjoy it when it happens.
Communicate a lot. Not just when you want sex, all the time about everything. Make her feel part of your life. Be close, emotionally and physically, without always initiating. When you are having sex, make sure her needs are met, preferably before your own. Become a generous and giving lover.
Let her know how you feel after sex.
Doing this has meant that my wife is more attuned to the way I am feeling and more relaxed and likely to agree to sex.