Where we’re going we won’t need fingernails

Oh sorry, I forgot the determinative. 💦3st

Sounds like the XY problem

It’s usually fine, but I download new TV shows automatically and I got a .exe instead of the new Frasier. I don’t think I’ll be downloading an actual .exe from TPB in the future lol

Several beings perish each cycle from this

Dehydration was never an option

I once got passed by two speeding DeLoreans. I ended up catching up to them when we all hit a traffic jam.

You win a free trip to the Hague

If it makes you feel any better that horse wasn’t the one that killed him

me_me_irl_irl

Monkey’s paw: your teeth would also be as sensitive as the head of a penis

I’m already 2 years older than Mozart was when he died, the fuck am I even doing with my life

This reminds me of how I used to eat a spoonful of chunky peanut butter and then add a glug of maple syrup

But I can still keep the dinosaur, right?

Xande: oh HELL no

Gussy

Damn dude, save some pussy for the rest of us

About 10 years ago someone actually burned to death from static discharge at a gas pump like 2 miles down the road from my house. It’s extremely rare, but it does happen.

“You guys are still staffing window 1?”