As long as you didn’t bring that provoking pooch with you.

Nice sleuthing!

that won’t stop me

What is the first movie in that list? It looks like Noah Wylie but I can’t make it out.

dab on it

I legit enjoy getting scared so much that the few times I’ve experienced sleep paralysis I’m like “oh boy! it’s happening!” —but apparently that is exactly how you end a sleep paralysis episode is to just know that it is one/knowing it’s one helps relax you back into sleep.

Really bums me out.

This having negative votes adds to the joke.

I thought it was funny. Absurdism humor is hard to do.

Ah snap thanks for the reminder.

I know it’s all automated these days, but the mental prep isn’t.

Pull out, don’t pull out, we’re fucked either way.

Some matte tape will fix all of those problems…

…placed over their dashboard indicators, of course.

there is nothing in the desert, and no woman needs nothing.

My Reddit account was 19 years old before I was permabanned by their stupid AI for liking Luigi pics and saying I wish Trump wouldn’t wake up in response to a pic of him napping 😔

What an interesting carpet pattern. I almost thought they were on a beach.

nah it’s just me sucking the life force out of people who groan at dumb jokes

I remember hearing a dunk on vegans a while back that went “how do you know someone’s vegan? they’ll tell you.”

but in my experience it’s more like “how do you know someone hates vegans? they’ll tell you.”

I’m willing to forgive them, but take my forgiveness with the grain of salt that is my clown fetish.

Given my lack of self control with sugar and sodium, I’d probably OD on propofol if I had unchecked access to it. I can sleep for eight hours without any noisy neighbor or birds waking me up? What’s the catch?? Except the OD part of course.

Yeah I should’ve hyphenated cream-filled to maybe break up that consistent gap.

I would literally doodle these on a notepad, take a photo with my phone, jack up the contrast, then put the text in using my handwriting as a font; all in ~10 minutes with barely any QA. I’ve been meaning to remake/re-draw them, but I know myself and the more work I put into it the less I’d enjoy it.

“no sloppy Windows, guys— I mean it.”
“LET’S SLOP IT UP!”

My retirement plan likely involves explosives and a penthouse or penthouse-equivalent that may or may not be occupied by the richest, douchiest person I can successfully stalk.

My inevitable colon cancer diagnosis is the go signal.

/s tag for when this comment comes up as “exhibit a”