I’m really sorry you’re in this situation. I can’t fully understand where you’re coming from because I can’t walk in your shoes. But I genuinely wish you the best. It sounds like you have a shit-ton of stress and are dealing with depression right now. I can relate to that part at least, and I really hope you can get some help from a counselor, because while they can’t help with some things, they can make a world of difference in other ways. Hopefully I don’t piss you off by saying this, but… sending you a virtual hug. Hang in there.
It’s not that easy for most people to move to a different country.