Despite being with my wife for nearly half my life, I’ve never had penetrative sex. It was originally because my wife has severe anxiety about things going inside her, but to be honest there’s some hesitancy from me now as well. I’ve gotten very used to how we have sex and it doesn’t involve penetration.

We have a partner now and I think it’s something that they’d be open to, but I’m actually pretty nervous about the whole thing.

My desires were always fairly unconventional but the way my wife’s and my sex life has developed has really reinforced that. My wife is essentially 100% top at this point. They have no real interest in reciprocation. They’re on the ace spectrum so their enjoyment is different. Every once in a blue moon they’ll ask for something but it generally doesn’t end with them orgasming. All of that to say my main contribution to my sex life has just been becoming enjoyable to watch. I’m usually very vocal and squirmy. I whimper, beg, plead, cry, scream, etc. lol.

It was somewhat validating that one of the first times the three of us had sex together our new partner said they loved what I was doing and that it was definitely turning them on. I felt a lot of pressure to reciprocate for my wife for so long because I didn’t want to be one of those lazy partners who doesn’t do anything, but that’s sort of what my wife wants out of it. Letting go of that was difficult for me. So actually hearing from someone else tell me that what I’m doing is actually enjoyable meant a lot. Not that I ever doubted my wife, but, you know how things are. Like when a stranger compliments your outfit as opposed to someone you know well.

So, that would be the “confession”. I’d never describe myself as a virgin, but I’ve definitely never had traditional sex.

My wife and I opened our marriage to a third a few months ago. They’ve been living with us temporarily while they look for an apartment in the area. We have threesomes pretty regularly. It’s pretty amazing right now.

Like many people with ADHD my interests change every few weeks/months… I’ve been saying my technical muse left and my erotic muse has returned. I’ve began doing a few erotic roleplays online again. I got really into this hobby about a year ago but stopped around the time I got a job. (I had a lot of free time for a few months lol.) It’s been fun!

I’m really trying to pace myself. I took on way too many partners last time. At times I had maybe a dozen going at once. I got caught in this loop where when I was done writing replies and I wanted to keep writing I’d look for new partners. Over time the hobby stopped being something fun and became an obligation I dreaded doing. So I stopped. I’m trying to avoid that this time. Only take on maybe three maximum at a time. If even.

This has been something I’ve been interested in and actually why I logged into this account today. I’ve gotten back into text erotic roleplay a little but the only places I could ever find enough people interested in this is on Discord servers and on Twitter. When I check the #nsfwrp hashtag on Mastodon I see a handful of posts from a handful of users, but it’s not really at any sort of critical mass to be able to find folks (unless you and one of the few people doing it end up being a good match).

I don’t think labels are terribly important for anything other than making communication easier. That said, watching and being humiliated definitely feels like what most would call cuckoldry. But by other definitions, you might not be called a cuckold because you’re actively engaged in a sexual activity (regardless of context). Sometimes people use the term to just mean not being involved at all, like if your wife was cheating on you.

It doesn’t really matter what you call yourself here. It’s not like if what you are doing is technically cuckoldry if that suddenly means it is wrong. As long as everyone is consenting and enjoying themselves it doesn’t matter.

All that said, I think most people would call this cuckoldry lol.

This conversation has popped back into my head. Over the last year a friend my wife met over the Internet and at conventions became a mutual cuddle buddy of ours and (with my wife) a romantic interest.

In hindsight I think your story helped nudge me towards it. Around October I began doing erotic roleplay with folks online. A lot of times I wanted to do more stuff with them, like JOI or just involve voice chat or anything but it was always outside of the limits.

After it was clear my wife was interested romantically in our mutual friend we brought back up the topic of poly and where our boundaries really are. To make a long story short, I just picked up my wife from the airport last night after her visiting this friend alone. I’m very happy for them. I’ve started doing more directly sexual things online with folks as opposed to just roleplay too. We’re both as happy as can be still.

Also, your story about what your partner said after the first time reminded me of the first time I went on an online “date” with someone. My wife was actually excited for me and gushed over the details with me and afterwards, later that day she very specifically came and sat with me on the couch and cuddled. It’s been a great experience overall. Just like with you, it’s helped my wife feel less anxious about needing to be able to satisfy me. It’s made the times she actually is in the mood better as well because she feels less stressed.

I feel like I’m looking at a version of me from another universe. I’m a recently bisexual man whose wife is recently asexual. I don’t really know where they are on the spectrum because they clearly enjoy sex with me (and they’re also definitely not aromantic, they love romance). Regardless, in the past year, I don’t remember when exactly, but we were prepping to have sex and when they came out of the shower they were just crying. They were telling me how we needed to have an open relationship and stuff.

For context, we’ve always tossed the idea around. We’re high school sweet hearts in our 30s. They’re literally the second person I ever dated. (They’re nonbinary now, they/she.) We were conservative Christians when we began dating. When we’re talking about it we always describe it as we both became different people over the years but those two people are still compatible. She came out as bi a few years back as well.

Anyways, any relationship that’s been nearly half your life (by May I think it will be) I feel like the topic of poly/open comes up. We loved the joke from Arrested Development. “Lots of people think it will work for them and it doesn’t, but it might work for us.” From their side they don’t want to because they believe they’d get jealous. From my side I’m curious and sort of want to try but realistically I just know it’s not going to end well probably.

So my wife comes out just sobbing to me about how they’re never going to have a strong libido like they used to (we were more active in highschool and college). I tell her you know, I’m open to it, I really am, but this isn’t the state to be making these kinds of decisions in.

I’m reading your story and it makes me wonder, if I had spoken to them differently, would I be where you are today? And just in case my wording is off or something, I’m in no way trying to imply you’re doing something wrong. It’s just that this very specific moment happened to me.

Anyways, we do have rules for what is acceptable to do with other people. Essentially like, “I’m drunk at a party, what is acceptable?” Sort of stuff like cuddles and kisses are okay, making out and touching genitals aren’t.

We did come sort of close having a third. It’s a stretch to call it close, but like, if you consider any time three people are in a group it was close. We had a friend visit from out of town. My wife and I sort of joked.to each other about them being a good candidate because weove the idea of being able to date our friends in a poly way or whatever but it’s a huge risk for little gain. We’d need to try it with new friends that we don’t mind losing if shit goes south, you know? Not our old friends we’ve had for years who would never look at us the same after we brought it up. This friend from out of town was a new friend and because they live so far away we wouldn’t have to bump into them! We ended up deciding not to pursue it. I don’t really remember why but I think we made the right call.

We did get some good cuddles on the couch all three of us though.

Idk, I’m rambling at the point. Thank you for sharing your story. I feel like we’re kindred spirits from across time and space haha.