I randomly got a job recommendation from one of the sites that looked for exactly my programming skill set. I was interested until I saw what company it was – Palantir. GOD DAMN IT. On the plus side, most of these job listings are fake anyway, so it was probably just a phishing attempt of sorts based on my resume. At least the AI isn’t smart enough yet to know they should not mention Palantir with me.

We used to have a “Guess what?” “What?” “Nope!” routine going as kids. I still laugh at that one for no valid reason.

I’m a school bus driver and a former programmer. The elementary kids on my bus like to say “what is six plus seven? Six-seven!” and I say “sure, in Visual Basic”. They don’t get it, naturally enough.

My tenth grade nephew said something about how it started because NBA player Lonzo Ball is 6’7" and was described as “six seven” during a broadcast.

stray carts

This would be a good name for a rockabilly remix band.

some people also have larger-than-average holes

Like sleeve of wizard.

“Oh wait. You put a large cart in the small cart section.”

I’m squishing your head!

Overrated. ON ERROR RESUME was much more fun.

Or gravy!

When I first started cooking I used to burn the rice all the time and I had to throw it all away. Then one day I had dinner at a Persian restaurant and they brought me some of the charred rice (called “tahdig”) as a special treat. It was a real eye-opener (tongue-opener?) because that shit is incredibly delicious. They regretted serving it to me because I started begging for it every time I went, which is apparently a rather rude thing to do.

Korean dol sat bibim bap is similar. It’s a dish served in a massively hot stone bowl with the rice on the bottom, and the longer you let it sit there before mixing everything together, the more the rice chars and the better it tastes. It’s almost crazy how much charred rice is not a thing in world cuisines when it’s actually incredibly delicious.

Back when I still rode airplanes, I used to never shut my notebook off except when I was about to leave for a flight. Then I had the pleasure of watching Windows install 957 updates while the cab was honking outside.

I remember Macintosh computers from circa 1990. Even then Apple loved to just remove buttons because they hate buttons. Because it was so perfectly intuitive to drag a disc icon over to the fucking trash can icon in order to eject the floppy disc, they didn’t have a physical eject button for the floppy drive. Helpfully, they instead put the power button right where a floppy drive eject button should have been. So I was constantly turning the computer off whenever I wanted to eject a disc.

“Can’t find a better man.”

Can also be used if you agree with former Bengals QB Boomer Esiason.

I’m a Cognitive Developmental Transportation Engineer … aka school bus driver.

My mom taught me growing up to deal with spiders like this. She proudly told me how her dad had taught her to do it. Now she’s nearly 90 and when she sees a spider she’s like KILL THAT FUCKIN THING!!!

For me, the best part of being old is that hopefully I’ll be dead before the shit really hits the fan.

My local Acme carried red bananas for a while. They are fucking delicious, taste more like a banana custard than a regular yellow banana. They’re also a bit smaller so less of a commitment to carbo-loading when you peel one. I wouldn’t mind at all if they became the new standard banana, even if it would kind of ruin Mario Kart.

We can’t accept drum and bass. We need jungle, I’m afraid.