I mean this in the kindest way possible: I think you need some mental health support. Failure isn’t something you are, it’s merely something that happens and it happens to the best of us. You can always change, but it takes some effort and the will to change. Having more self-esteem will really help you find the type of sexual relationship you seem to be seeking.
I promise you there are older and weirder people in the world who can still find love and fulfillment. Yeah it might be harder, but it is still possible. The most important step is to take care of yourself first. Seriously, look into therapy or support groups. You are not alone in this struggle.