Santa in a burrito!

Well, if you’re in America, WISH GRANTED!!!

We’re all fucked.

Dick Grayson should probably go see a doctor about that…

See, that’s the thing. We had WW3 in the 1970s. Hitler came back, and he was riding a dinosaur, and Ghengis Khan was disco dancing the night away!

But you never heard about it because we have time travel, and decided that was a stupid timeline.

Oh, also, none of this timeline exists either. We deleted from existence in 2012.

The real timeline? Bernie Sanders won the 2016 and 2020 elections. Covid was a much easier thing to stop, because people got vaccinated.

And Dorritos bought Taco Bell, and IMMEDIATELY went bankrupt.

See? Everything is actually better now. You just never got to experience it.

I need them all to just…live in my house.

Google: How to attract a flock of goths?

Does it have to be companies? Could individual people just have 15k, and join? We just need 81 new members.

Nope. Otherwise Nixon would have been unpardoned by Carter.

Well how do YOU connect your NES up to your TV then???

it looks like the AI bubble collapse is basically here.

FINALLY.

Can you help me with my homework? The assignment is: Political opinions.

I need help deciding who I support politically. In 2028, do I vote for Putin, or Jimmy Carter?

Well, assuming you believe in the afterlife, then it warms his whole existence to look up at you.

…you know. On account of being CONSTANTLY surrounded by fire.

Ayyyy!!!

Now if only that guy in PA in July 2024 got the memo…

slaps you with cold cooked spaghetti

Ya like that, bitch?

I know just what you need

No no no. Silly! Women were tied to stakes and burned as witches if they were discovered to know how to do math.

And speaking of which, I’m surprised a return to that wasn’t part of project 2025.

What do you think Chewbacca would do, if he ever met Cousin IT from The Adams Family?

Last night I turned off a small metalic lamp that’s next to my bed. I then heard a tapping sound like a small dripping water hitting the metalic lamp.

I turned the lamp on. I saw no water. The tapping stopped. I looked at the ceiling. No sign of water. I looked at the lamp. No water. Turned the light back off. Rolled back over, and got comfy.

Tap…tap…tap…

Turned the light back on. Tapping stopped. Still no water.

Turned the light off. The second the light was off, I heard the tap again.

Turned it back on. Still no water.

Got up, got out of bed, checked all around my night stand. Checked behind it. Nothing out of the ordinary.

While standing next to the bed, turned the light off. Tapping resumed.

Turned the light back on, and walked to the living room. Layed down on the couch.

Light on in the bedroom. I’m in the living room. Turn the living room light off.

Now there’s tapping inside the pipes inside the walls. Totally different tap. Totally different place. Totally different tapping sound. This didn’t sound like dripping water. This sounded like someone hitting the pipes with a wooden spoon with the same cadence.

Tap…tap…tap…

But it always stopped when I turned the light on.

So I went into the bathroom, and took a shower.

Now, here’s the kicker. I live alone. I have no pets. I have no rodents in the walls.

The whole thing came off like someone playing a prank on me. Except that person didn’t exist. It felt like I was living some 1930s comedy skit. Some Abbot and Costello skit. Except this is just me, alone in my apartment, going insane.

Bonus: If you are a guy and you are looking to get lucky, whatever topic the young lady/gentlemen/non-binary broaches should become the ABSOLUTE MOST interesting thing in the world to you.

Her: “So I’m really into Hitler!”

You: “…uhhhhh…”

Cool. That’s a quality contribution to this disscussion. Really adds a layered nuanced perspective to the topic at hand.

GUYS! WE’RE GOING TO BE OKAY! STOY SAYS THEY DON’T CARE BECAUSE IT DOESN’T AFFECT THEM!!! WE’RE SAVED!!!

I’m not ICE, but in my state you need digital ID verification for that.